Bring back Christians vs Lions, that’s what I say. That’d be some television. Don’t lie to me. You only watch the Winter Olympics to see the skiers wipe out on the downhill slopes. I’d wear that shirt and go to the sports bar. “I’m a Lions fan!” “Me too!” “Have you ever met a Christians fan?” “Only in Oklahoma and South Dakota. But they say God invented lions anyway, so they’re kind of torn. Which is funny, really, because that’s what happens to the Christians on a Saturday afternoon anyway…”
Warren Ellis (via vinh)
Actually… If there’s one thing that could get me to consider myself an actual Christian again, it would be this. I would join right on up again. And I’d fight those Lions. And I’d fucking win every fucking time. You’d all hate me as the heel who perpetuated the cause of the Christians via Man vs. Lion badassery and I’d love it. You might even try to cut my hair to sap my strength taking a cue from Samson and Delilah, not realizing the irony of it all.
Also…. The time of feeding Christians to Lions was also the time of Christian pacifism (yknow, actually paying attention to the “New Covenant” of the New Testament) and lack of acceptance from the State (or, at the time, The Republic we know as Rome). It was all downhill from the point of acceptance by Constantine, the tentacles of power perverted the Church just like everything else it touches… So if we go back to feeding Christians to Lions, I hope it also entails going back to Christians as hardcore pacifists… Just let me be their lone violent representative, punching Lions in their stupid faces For Great Justice.
Nota Bene: I don’t fight tigers. Tigers are fucking awesome and totally my pals. I will punch Lions and then go get a beer with some Tigers afterward.